This was the thought that popped into my head after someone who I love so very much suggested that I use spellcheck in my blog. I initially laughed because I knew it to be true but I also laughed out of my own embarrassment of that truth. And let me just say, this person suggested this with the utmost kindness. It's a part of this person's occupation to use spellcheck and they know that feedback is welcomed and the communication door is always open.
But in the days to follow, it's what I allowed to creep into my mind and stay in my mind. "My participles ARE dangling!" I felt so exposed. I started to wonder if everyone who read it thought the same thing? The truth is probably some. Maybe none. I had to dig deep. I had to pause and ask myself "What am I feeling?" "What is the underbelly?" There is always an underbelly. If I don't even know what I'm feeling, how can I surrender it to God and trust him with the process?
At the top of my list was fear. Fear of looking ridiculous. Fear that I don't even know how to use spellcheck. Fear that I have minimal skills navigating a computer or a program. Copy and paste still frightens me. Yep! There it is. Fear of being unqualified. Now this is something that has some meat on it. This is the underbelly, not just a dangling feeling of fear to be pushed down and unprocessed. This I can surrender. I want to live in the gift of this feeling: Wisdom and faith. Not in the counterpart of anxiety.
I can only type what is in my heart. Dangling participles and all, with the sincere hope that it brings encouragement to just one person who may fancy a read on my blog. So many people encourage me every day with words, smiles, hugs, and the authenticity of their very life. Vessels pouring out. I want to do the same.
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